Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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