I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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