but the lizard people decide everything anyway
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
