1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
