but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
