So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
