He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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