I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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