I just cut my nipple shaving
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize