I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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