Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
