i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
don't judge my taste in strippers
Randomize
