I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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