11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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