I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Boobs are out for the taking
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
