You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
