2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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