Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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