that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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