I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
