fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
