I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
