Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
and you fell through a lawn chair
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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