I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
