I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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