The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
