I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
