I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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