I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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