You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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