im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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