she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
