Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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