I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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