I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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