I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
