he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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