Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
