At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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