Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
