So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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