This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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