I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
