I wish I could teleport
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I won the penis lottery.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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