im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Mom said you looked used
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
