Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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