we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize