I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
