party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
