The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
