that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
