Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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