I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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