OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
