I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
