my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
