WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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