its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
