There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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