We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
