i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
