just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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