I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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