Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize