i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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