I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
