it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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