I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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