It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
