Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize