why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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