My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
