Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
